No Fumar Espanol - The Dominican Republic Trip

My parents have always said the way to survive a brutal winter is to take a trip somewhere warm in February. My mom is a genius!

FRIDAY/SATURDAY
We drove to Seattle Friday night for a late, laaaaate night flight. Funny enough, we were flying over Superbowl weekend and since a certain hometown team was playing the airport was decked out in blue and green. The gate agents even gave us Seahawks stickers:)

After a number of funny now, not so funny then setbacks (my ticket not printing, almost missing our flight to JFK because Dana fell asleep on the floor, almost missing our flight from JFK because we were running down those moving walkways with delicious Shake Shack sandwiches) we finally broke through the clouds and saw this...

 You may not be able to tell but that, my friends, is the coast of paradise.
View when we stepped out of the airport. I took off my shoes and threw on the sandals!


 A few caveats that I didn't know about paradise. One, it may look cloudy and grey, but it's still 85 degrees which is amazing. Two, yes it rains almost every day but it comes in short, ten minute waves and then sun breaks out for hours at a time. Worth it.

We picked up our rental (another fun adventure now that we were on 'island time'). The car is a story unto itself. When they pulled up with a zippy blue Kia Rio, we thought, score. When we got inside and looked in the backseat, we thought, crap. Imagine if a murder took place in your car. Now stop imagining. Okay, so it wasn't that bad, but the smell was enough for me to buy Glade spray at the Supermercado and we're pretty sure some tourist left the windows open during a deluge. Oooh and I did find a big dead cockroach in the back one day so...yeah, nasty car. Not sorry to drop that one off.

Back to the story. So, our credit card covered the liability coverage, but I regretted not getting the delux package about 1.2 seconds after we got on the road. Drivers in the DR are, as Dana likes to say, Cray Cray (is that how you say it? We're not down with the lingo anymore). I'm talking, no rules, none, zip, zilch. Motoconchos will just swarm you like a hoard of angry bees--angry bees riding four to a bike...with a baby in between...and another on back...and some bananas. The roads are all four lanes so you'd think there would be room to pass but since they use the right lane as a semi-parking/stopping to chat with anyone/taxi drop off lane not so much. Not that they don't pass. Oh! Do they ever pass. On either side. Two at a time. With a car coming in the opposite direction. With a baby on back. Let's just say every day was a white knuckled adventure and Taylor almost had a heart attack when we almost flattened a motoconcho one night who had no lights on. Ahhh! I'm stressed just remembering it. Moving on.

 

Finally, we made it to our hotel and had one more hiccup for the night as I tried to explain very politely (insert snort from Dana here) to the front desk guy that 'no, we had not cancelled our hotel reservations, please check again'.  The room was humble but after 20 hours of planes any flat surface was looking pretty good. And check out that view from our window. High class.

We met up with Taylor, Sarah, Mom and Dad and got the vacation started! First stop: food. Five star dining and two star prices. Just be sure to bring a Spanish translator so you know what to order. Or just be Dad and order two desserts.


SUNDAY

Our first full day in the D.R. could not have been any better. For being a semi-sketchy hotel above a casino, the Hodelpo knows how to put out a spread--omelets, muffins, fresh squeezed juice, french toast, the thing we thought was french toast but turned out to be fried cheese. Mmmm. Before we set out for church, Sarah let me snap a photo on my phone of her directions. Not having an international plan really tested our direction and following abilities and made for some funny adventures. 

We got to church just on time. Sarah and Dana both served their missions in Santiago but Sarah was in the same ward three times so we headed back to that ward. It's a tiny branch but the people are so friendly. The building was open aired and by 9am it was already almost 75 degrees. Bear in mind that's winter weather for Dominicans which explained why we saw people in sweaters and full suits. Taylor and Dana were trying to figure out how high they could roll up their sleeves and still be Sunday appropriate:) Sarah was bold enough to get up during the testimony portion and test out her Spanish.

After church, we stood out on the lawn and talked with some of the members, a few who remembered her as a missionary. It was really a sweet experience. We made one families day; they are Americans who moved from Wisconsin to the D.R. for a job and were craving a little English conversation.
Dana said this is the standard baptism photo




 The church expansion is evident even over the last ten years. The long building on the right of this photo was the whole church when Sarah served. Now, they've added a whole new chapel and turned this section into more classrooms. Look at that blue sky!

We left the church, changed back at the hotel and convinced the very nice hotel staff to store our bags in an empty closet for a few hours so we could go explore. Taylor took pity on the Gailans and our death car and let us all squish inside his very nice SUV. And since he got all--and I mean ALL--the liability coverage (including two tires) he was a very humorous driver as we spent two hours driving all around Santiago finding Sarah and Dana's mission areas. Sarah found one of her old houses (and was forced to get outside and pose like a gringo.) We never found Dana's house but we did see the street corner where he threw up a hot dog so...that was fun. Then Taylor wanted to find out what was at the top of a very insane, mostly paved hill.
Turns out...cows.
 Our tour a la Santiago over, we went back to retrieve our bags and made one last stop to see something  not originally on our itinerary: Carnival! Turns out, we hit Santiago on this magical holiday when there are no rules and they shut down random streets for a parade and everyone tells you to get out of town by 4pm or don't bother leaving. We took that advice, but not before seeing a little of the pre-party.
We stood on the top of this big structure and got a view of the city. I tried to take a panoramic with my camera but I'm not sure you get a feel for the scope. According to Sarah and Dana, the city has really grown in the last decade.

This is the touchdown Jesus and yes, they really call it that. Before our flight got in Sarah, Taylor, Mom and Dad hiked to the top but it was already steamy hot when we got there and so we were lazy and just stayed at the bottom. Still cool...unless you count the five billion street people trying to sell me bracelets.

Sadly, I lent my phone out to Captain Dana and told him to take a photo of the parade route being set up. It's a nice photo. I love the ufos coming in for a landing at the top:)

On our walk back to the cars, we passed this group of in the park wearing the traditional Carnival masks and using whips. Even the little kids get into it and Dana teased one kid into showing off his best move--which turned out to be hitting himself in the face with it. Still pretty cool.

Then we went for our one big souvenir--a Carnival mask for Dana and one to take back for Matt, who collects masks from all over the world. We bartered hard with the lady and got a good deal, made better by the fact that Taylor bought a mask the night before from the same lady and paid more:) This mask is DR colors and Santiago type. Mom and Dad got one that was from La Vega which had dozens of spikes up the two horns. Really cool to look at, less cool to get home on a plane.


Finally, we packed up, got in the death car and made our way through ridiculous traffic, heading north to Sosua on the coast. Once we were out of the city I thought we were scott free. Up ahead I saw a nice overpass to a freeway and I started to relax...and then Taylor drove straight under the freeway and headed up another huge freaking hill. And thus began the torturous part of our vacation we like to call the Route Panoramica. It's actually the road mapquest and Taylor's GPS told us to take (because it's only 1 hr 7 minutes long. Bwaa haa haa). Try two and a half hours instead on a half washed out, twisting, turning, climbing moutain death trap with pot holes big enough to sink a semi in. I can't deny the scenery was gorgeous even when the rain started again but when we finally made it to the gas station in Sosua to meet David our landlord we all looked like old people with broken backs but he assured us we took the "shorter route" that had "a few potholes". Not even a little funny at that point. Daniel is Greek and owns the house we were renting. He had a cool way of pointing with his lips (apparently a common Dominican thing) and loved his cigars.

One last negative word before I move on to all the fun stuff (trying to keep this a real account). Our rental house was huge and spacious and nothing like what the description said on tripadvisor. The pool and beach were amazing (more on that later) but the house was a little run down and we had a goldilocks trend going on with the bedrooms (one too small, one too hard, one just right). One bathroom didn't have hot water, the water tank in the kitchen burst one night so we awoke to our own Noah's flood, a giant spider was living in the outdoor patio furniture, and the primary fan in the living room didn't work most of the time and when it did was stuck on helicopter warp speed. Still, it was vacation and everyone made the best of it and we had a grand time.

Our final activity of the night was at Taylor's request - had to be Americans for one night and watch the Superbowl and since the televisions at the house didn't get that channel, we found a nice Canadian bar called Brittania in downtown Sosua. Teeny tiny TV. But we didn't need a big screen to watch Seattle stomp on Denver.


View of the boys all night. Taylor is checking sports on his phone, BTW


The waitresses were strangely enthusiastic about the game (even though they clearly didn't know anything about football) but the bar was lively and the food was yummy. It was the perfect ending to a very long, very full day in the DR.

Monday

Deep down, I'm a Kitchen, which means planning is in my blood. So it was no surprise when Sarah declared Monday "Planning Day". First stop, back to the the strip in Sosua to find tour companies. Actually, first was this:

Yup, we made a wrong turn and found the beach. And a rainbow. And then we lost Dad. Actually, we lost Dad a lot on this trip whenever the ocean was nearby. Mom says he does this a lot. We're not worried since beaches in Chicago are pretty rare but if they ever move to Florida, well, nice knowing you Dad:)
The morning was then taken up with grocery shopping (stores are similar to American except the milk is not refrigerated...eww) and Mom and me getting taunted into signing up for scuba diving (more on that to come). To keep our sanity, we decided to take Taylor's car for short trips but since four in the back was tight, we stuck Dana in the trunk:) He got some thumbs up from the locals and quickly earned the nickname "our little servant boy". Dad and even Sarah took turns too.

Lunch was traditional salami sandwiches or at least that's what Dana told us before he killed us in a game of Qwirkle. Mom enjoyed a book by our awesome pool.

Then we hit the beach! Holy awesomeness. THis was the one redeeming feature of the house - location. Private. White sand. Big BIG waves! Mom and I made it five minutes before we each swallowed too much seawater to be legally safe.

 

 So we sat in the sand and took funny pictures of everyone else. Life is so hard.
Had to keep our eyes on Dad.

 Ummm...I think this Sarah falling over:) And getting swept away by a wave.

Back at the house, mom found a friend on her bed.

 So Dana ate him. It's hard to find protein in the DR.

Just kidding. He scampered off and showed up the next morning just in time to scare a few years off my life.

View from our balcony. Another planning meeting? I can't remember. You could only get wi-fi upstairs so we were probably looking up food. 

Hard to believe but this was my favorite day. Sitting on the beach, my feet shoved into warm sand was the most relaxed I've been in ages. Watching Dana get pummeled by waves was pretty sweet too. To wrap up the most perfect day, Taylor got us wonderfully lost in Puerto Plata (with Dana in the trunk in a gated community no less) but made up for by it finding a delicious steak restaurant for dinner. We think the chef was taking a siesta for about an hour but it's hard to mind when the weather is perfect.

Tuesday

Did I say perfect day? Take that back: Tuesday was the perfect day. Too bad I don't have any photos:) Unless you count this one I stole from the 27 Waterfalls website:

Kinda looks like Dana in that onesie:) Yes, this was our day and I do have photos, or rather, Taylor has all our photos on his amazing Go-Pro. So check back later for more photos that you ever wanted to see of us jumping off waterfalls. 

The whole day was amazing. We drove an hour away along the coast to the waterfalls. It's a really neat place run by the government which means it's regulated and safe...probably...we assume. Our two guides were amazing. They slapped yellow helmets on our heads, gave us lifejackets and then kicked our butts on the hike to the top. Once there, it's pretty much what it sounds like: see a waterfall, jump off it. See another one, slide down. The biggest was two and a half stories high and terrifying once you climbed up the slippery rock ledge and looked over the edge. Maybe not as terrifying as realizing all that was keeping you from plummeting to an early death was a thin nylon rope anchored to the wall with screws smaller than the ones I used to hang the mirror in my living room, but pretty scary still. 

This is the one activity I would say if you ever went to the DR you HAVE to go and do. On the way back, we passed a really nice artist who sculpts out of petrified wood. After seeing what was available in the tourist traps, we made the drive back the next day to buy all our souvenirs from him. 

The only downside of the amazing waterfalls was somewhere along the way I landed wrong on a rock or the water and cracked my tailbone. Seriously ow!! I felt like an 80 year old woman getting out of cars but it's healing up now thanks to my new friend--the big blue donut. 

On the way back, Dana and Taylor stopped for fresh fruit from a local vendor and then we all took naps back at the house before finishing off the day at a fast food mexican restaurant in Cabarete. Two funny things happened: first, it was cash only so the boys took a short stroll (according to the store clerk; it was like a mile) to the nearest ATM while we girls waiting in the shade. We saw Taylor on his way back waving frantically and realized a second later that he was motioning us to cut off the HUGE bus load of teenagers off loading to get mexican food. We got the message and got inside just in time. Turns out they were teens from the states doing missionary service at local churches. Yeah, we're a bunch of jerks...but those tacos were delicious. Second funny thing was Dana getting so flustered paying at the counter (maybe because we kept ordering food) that he over payed by about ten dollars. 

Oh yeaaaaah. He just reminded me of one other eventful thing that day. On the way to the waterfalls, our car (earning yet again it's nickname as the "death car") almost got squashed when Dana followed Taylor around a massive concrete truck and passed right before we plowed into a parked car in the right lane. Dana, Dad, and Taylor swear he had plenty of room. The girls know better. Our evening ended with a stroll down Cabarete beach and ice cream at the Helado. This would forever after be the nightly ritual--dinner, then Helado. 

Wednesday

My sweet hubby rolled out early Wednesday with Taylor because of course they had to get a golf day in on the island. Sadly, the very very elite, very very expensive Teeth of the Dog course is located in the south, so they had to settle for Playa Grande. 

Umm...gorgeous!!!! I stole these pictures too because let's face it, if I'm not in the cart, there are no photos. I'm going to assume they had a great day and Dana did say the views of the ocean were awesome. He also said their mandatory caddy, Eudy, was hilarious. The guy got out of the cart on the 9th hole and said "I shoot now", grabbed Dana's club, one of his balls and bombed one straight down the fairway. Dana thought it was going in the water:) Dana won by two strokes and came home quite smug. 

So that was their day. Dana thought about going biking but decided to hang out with the ladies instead. We picked up souvenirs from 27 waterfalls and then went sightseeing. Sarah asked me to take this photo to prove she was driving and also...see if you notice anything funny. Yeah, that's two yellow dashed lines running along the side of the road. But in the middle? No line. So is it a three lane road? Four? Seven? We had no idea and the middle section seemed to be used as a chicken lane of sorts. The bravest car got dibs. 

 The only real tourist attraction in Puerto Plata is the Fort San Felipe, one of the first European forts constructed in the Americas. For $2 you get a neat little headset to guide you through the small fort and learn about the history. It was used to house political prisoners for a period of time.

 We think people were shorter back then:)

Okay, tell me that view isn't breathtaking. The wind was pretty mild the whole time we were in the DR unless you were on the beach or at this fort.

 Political prisoners? Dana saw this photo and laughed because he has the same one when he was a missionary. Apparently, it's the thing to do in Puerto Plata.

 So cool story. The guy who designed the fort was a paranoid genius because he made the walls not only unscalable but he also made a drawbridge once you got inside the gate. That way, if the wall ever was breached, they would lift up the drawbridge and you would have to cross this pit of jagged rocks while being pummeled with stones and arrows. Very smart.

Cool old ladder Dad noticed. The wood steps are smaller on one side opposite each step, so it really saves wood yet is functional.

Dad's one request for the day was he wanted to walk on the beach. After we found a semi-sketchy lunch place, Dad took along this beautiful tourist free boardwalk. We saw Poseidon out on a rock.

After prying Dad from the ocean, we returned home where our maid, Teresa (best part of the house) had made us a traditional meal called La Bandera.

 Rice, chicken, sweet plantains, salad, and onion. Mmmm. Dana and Sarah were in heaven. This is how they ate every day at lunch. While we ate, the rain started again and the power went out but thankfully a very loud generator saved the day.

Great day. Now if only Dana could get some sleep because of that dang bird outside our window...Dad just said it was a cricket. Okay, cricket then. Shhh...sleeping vacationers. 

Thursday
Earlier in the week, we all signed up to go scuba diving. Since Taylor is certified he took off early to do 2 dives. The rest of us lazed around (well, after we swept the flood of water out of the living room. Long story). It rained the night before and sporadically all day but since we were spending the day in the ocean it wasn't a problem.

At 12:30, we showed up at NorthCoast diving, signed our lives away, got a brief lecture about safety from our really cool English guide, Luke. His assistant was Marisa. Mom and I got to know her really well because Luke pegged us right away as the ones who needed to be babysat so we didn't freak out:) We didn't disappoint. We got into wet suits, piled into the back of a pickup truck and found ourselves at the pool of an all inclusive resort. They sat us on the edge of the pool, went over more safety instructions which I couldn't follow and then suddenly there was a tank on my back and they were pushing us headfirst into the shallow end. Naturally, I panicked:) That's an understatement but everyone else did really well. We kicked around in our fins for a while, learned some basic maneuvers like how to clear water from your mask and the signs for "I'm okay" or "Something's wrong"--I used this one a lot. Everyone did really well except me who had panic attacks putting my face in the water and trying to evacuate water from the mask. Dana said he couldn't get a really deep breath in. Mom got a little sick watching the sunlight on the water but we decided to still give it a try in open ocean.

Again, sorry no pics. We used Taylor's go pro. He had it on a little stick so he could go in holes and follow fish around. He met up with us back at the dive shop and one quick walk to the beach later we were on a boat (Mom last of course) and on our way. Luke told us a cool story about the beach we were diving nearby. Apparently, it used to be an open bay. People would even scuba dive there but then a huge hurricane came through one week, picked up the sand an all inclusive resort had carted in to the north and redeposited it in the bay, effectively creating a beach. Wild!

One by one we went in the water and thus began the part I like to call "are you okay?". Seriously, maybe the most annoying part of the whole experience was Luke, Marisa and everyone else constantly making that "are you okay?" sign and having to make it back:) Safety first, I get it, but it got old. We went down in groups --Dad, Sarah, and Dana first and then me and mom with Marisa. The first group waited kneeling on the ocean floor, which they said was really hard to stay upright because of the currents. Mom went down fine but my goggles filled up, I panicked, and shot to the surface. Luke came up and talked me back down. Dad had a hard time with his goggles too but finally we were all underway.

I'm not sure what I expected (swarms of fishes circling me and singing show tunes, maybe?) but it wasn't crazy amazing. It was beautiful down there and really quiet except for your own breathing. The fish were pretty cool and we saw a moray eel. Luke really tried to make it fun but I think between Mom and Sarah feeling sick, me panicking over my mask, and Dana not being able to pop his ears we weren't the easiest divers. Honestly though, I'd say try it if you are interested. It was safe. It was a quick 45 minutes and it was one of those once in a lifetime type of things. Taylor loves it and got great footage of little Dori fishes and cool coral. I did almost touch a fish too.

Finally, Luke took us to the surface where we bobbed for a while waiting for the boat. After the dry air were were breathing in our tanks, I would have killed for some water right then. Kind of ironic considering. Back on the boat, Mom and Sarah both got a little sick but it passed quickly once we were back on shore. Back at home and starving, we set back out to Cabarete to find Casa Mamas, a paella restaurant recommended by the dive team. It was so so but the sounds of the ocean nearby was great. The funniest part was the two dogs and cat who came begging at the table. Again, we ended with Helado in our bellies and Dana in the trunk:) An exhausting, weird day but one we won't soon forget.

Friday
Much, much too soon the week drew to a close. We'd saved Friday as a relax day so after a lazy morning, we took off for some tourist shopping and beach walking. Taylor had to catch up on work so we drove the death car. Our first stop was downtown Sosua where we found the real touristy shops. Sarah and I bought pretty necklaces and Dana almost got a really intricate walking cane for his mother but we were worried it might not make it back on the plane. One thing I'm learning with traveling is that once you've seen one tourist shop, you've kind of seen them all. There was a mask inside one that looked exactly like a mask I got in Ghana:) We think there is an international conspiracy going on.

Dad wanted to head back to the boardwalk so we made our way to Puerto Plata and then...the car really did die. Dana hit a humongous pot hole and bam! Blown tire. Lucky us there is a gomera shop on every corner so we coasted ten feet and parked. I'll be honest: I was not amused. But the Dominicans were amazing. Within twenty minutes our tire was off,

patched, and back on. Seriously, this guy was amazing!

We took another walk down the beach but quickly realized our own private beach was really where it was at so back to the house (with a quick stop for some passing rain clouds) and then this was the rest of the day. Perfect? We thought so!

After a while, we noticed cute little crabs that would run out of hidden holes in the sand. They made little sand hills as they dug deeper. It was maybe the most relaxed I've ever been listening to the sounds of the waves and watching the futility of these funny crabs moving sand as the tide came in.

But where are Dana and Taylor, you may ask? They joined us later but not before setting out for one last match up. See, a few family reunions ago there was a friendly go-cart race that turned legend when--at the last second--the flagger waved us into the stop pit and instead of slowing down as instructed, Taylor hit the gas and squeaked by Dana for first. Dana has been looking for payback ever since and Puerto Plata just so happens to have a go-cart track. They also just so happened to have a school group at the track that day so Taylor and Dana had their rematch alongside some really gutsy third graders. For an extra $2 American, the track guy even took off the speed limits which was, in Dana's words, awesome! By the end Dana had thrown out his back because the cart was shaking so hard and Taylor was flecked with bits of tire. Also, they schooled the little kids; not that the kids cared since most of them were either too short to drive or ended up going backwards around the track. They called the race a draw so you know there will be a rematch come this summer.

For our last night, we went all out with trip advisor and found this incredible restaurant called Casa 21. You usually need reservations but they had a slow night so we snuck in and it was so amazing. Sarah's lemon pasta was the best but everything was delicious and the area so quiet even though we were just off the main strip in Sosua. After dinner, even though we were stuffed, Sarah and Dana had to stop and get a hot dog from the local vendors (they don't serve them until 8ish at night). It was everything they remembered from their missions. One more set of cards up on the balcony and we called it a night.

Saturday
And then it was over. To make our looooooong trip back short, it basically went like this: we got up at 1:30AM, drove back to Santiago (NOT on the Route Panoramica. We found a nice highway that took only ten minutes longer. Good grief), got quite lost and nearly got eaten by a pack of wild dogs when Dana had to stop to pee (mostly kidding, but not really). After getting directions we made it to the airport, dropped off the death car, caught our first flight at 5AM and then began a day of delays, cancelled flights, reroutes, more running with Shake Shack, and finally, FINALLY, home sweet Seattle at about 10PM. Thankfully we had the foresight to stay the night at Larkspur because we would not have made it over the mountains--one because we were loopy tired and two because it was snowing.

Yup, I said snow. We left 85 degrees and came home to this:

The first snowfall of the season:) Whew! If you made it this far, I should give you a prize. Maybe a trip to the most magical, psychotic, relaxing place on earth: the Dominican Republic. Can't wait to go back.